According to the Canadian Medical Association, only 49% of Canadians said they would socialize with someone who has a serious mental illness, and yet 1 in 5 Canadians will experience a form of mental illness at some point in their lives. It's as though people think mental illness is contagious like chicken pox.
For the past several weeks Bell Canada, along with the utterly amazing Clara Hughes (my love for her knows no bounds) have been helping to raise awareness for mental health, and today, being the official Bell Let's Talk Day, I wanted to do some of my own talking.
It's probably not a huge secret that I've struggled with depression and anxiety for the greater part of my life. I've tried a plethora of different medications and bared my soul to people with fancy degrees hanging on their walls (by the way, those comfy couches are a complete myth). Some days are more difficult than others, some are great, and on occasion, there are the days that are just downright awful. They're few and far between now, but when they do surface, the despair completely takes over.
There's no rhyme or reason why really, it just is. Unless you wake up in the morning, trying desperately to find a reason why today is going to be a good day, it's next to impossible to understand or explain.
But I can tell you that it's more than just a bad hair day.
Maintaining relationships can be difficult and it's very easy to push people away who don't understand -- unfortunately it's even easier for them to walk away if you haven't even given them the chance to understand. Luckily -- and I don't know how or why -- I've been blessed with some pretty special people who just know when I'm having one of those days.
Equally as important, though, are my dogs.
Wookie and Halladay give me a reason to get out of bed in the morning - literally. They need their morning walks. If they don't get them, they turn into little monsters who act as though they drank one of those 12 hour energy drinks for breakfast. So, they get me out of the house on days when I would like nothing more than to crawl under the covers and hide from the world. They make me responsible, accountable, and give me a routine.
They force me out of my comfort zone. Usually when I go out, I have a pair of sunglasses and my iPod - universal code for don't disturb. But Halladay? That dog is a social butterfly and turns into schnoodle confetti when he sees someone he wants to say hi to, which in turn makes me have to talk to people I would normally ignore if I was on my own. They help me to confront my anxiety head on.
They love me unconditionally though if I stumble. They don't hold grudges, judge or reject me if I haven't been at my best. They're always doling out kisses, whether I'm deserving of them or not. If I need a hug, they're there in an instant. I don't have to explain myself or my tears - I can just feel without pretending I'm someone or something I'm not.
They accept me.
I could go on and on about why pets are so instrumental in mental health well being, but if you're reading this blog, chances are that you already have a pet so you know exactly what I'm rambling about.
Many people struggle to find that key to happiness, but I think it's more like a puzzle and you just have to find the right pieces to make things work, or at least make it better. My dogs? They're a huge piece of my puzzle -- probably the centre piece.
So today (and every day after), let's talk about mental health.
Every time you share the Bell Let's Talk Image on Facebook or Tweet using #BellLetsTalk today, Bell Canada will donate 5¢ more to help fund mental health initiatives across Canada. But it's more than just that. You're opening up a dialogue for people to share without feeling ashamed, because sometimes, that stigma can be worse than the illness.
Thank you for sharing this.
ReplyDeleteYou're right in the observation that people feel mental illness is contagious.
But I can tell you the appreciation for people who share their story, who offer real points of view that thwart people into understanding it...THAT appreciation is certainly contagious :) (wags in your direction) We'll be tweeting!
As another of the many of us who suffer from depression my dog(s) are my saviors. That is probably why I will never, by choice, be without a four legged best friend. They need to be put out, fed, watered and most of all loved. And this love is always generously and unconditionaly given back 100 fold! My dog, my best friend, my sunshine on a cloudy day.
ReplyDeleteThank you for this post. :)
ReplyDeleteTangential question, because I've struggled with this issue and would value your thoughts on it: how does this influence your decision whether to place a dog with an adopter who suffers from depression and/or anxiety?
On the one hand, the benefits of living with a dog are clear and pronounced for someone who's dealing with those issues. I think there's really no question that for many, many people, a dog's joy and companionship make a huge, positive difference.
On the other hand, at some point along the continuum of severity, you reach a level where the person's ability to responsibly care for the animal comes into question. This is particularly so when we're talking about someone who lives alone and doesn't necessarily have a strong support network of friends or neighbors able to help out... and yet these are also the people most likely to get the biggest benefit from having a dog.
In that situation, whose interests win out? Does the dog get put at risk in hopes that the person will benefit? Or do you deny a needy person a chance at companionship because you're worried about the animal's welfare? Is there any good way to balance those potentially conflicting issues?
Obviously there's no hard and fast answer here -- it's always case by case -- but I wonder what factors you might consider in reaching a decision. It's a situation that I deal with more often in rescue than I ever imagined, and I still struggle to find the right choice every time.
Truthfully, it's not really something I've gone through with an adopter. A foster, yes. Adopter, no. There are a surprising amount of people involved in rescue who struggle with depression, anxiety, agoraphobia, and so on. As you said, these are the people who benefit the most from having a dog in their life, but sometimes they get too attached to an animal and make it difficult for a dog to get adopted by not replying to emails or meeting with potential adopters, skipping vet appointments, and so on. Obviously you never want to turn someone down from adopting or fostering just because they struggle with mental health issues, but it can be difficult.
DeleteWe've had people apply to adopt a dog that have had other physical disabilities and it really just comes down to the question of, can this person properly take care of this dog, and is this the right match?
Depending on what steps a rescue takes to vet an adopter or foster, you can learn a lot through the application, the reference checks, vet reference, and home visits. If the rescue allows a two week adoption trial period, that's even better.
At the end of the day, though, it should always come down to the best interest of the dog. Unfortunately not everyone understands that, but it's impossible to make everyone happy.
Merciel raises a really good question. I work at a local women's shelter, and we sometimes have women arrive with their beloved dogs. Sometimes I have no concern that these dogs will be well cared for, and do my best at finding someone willing to foster while the woman is in the shelter. Other times, I have big questions as to whether this dog will be well treated and its needs put first when re-united with the person. But then, I know that many street people with animals will go hungry so that the animal can eat, and will sleep outside, even in winter, with their dog all bundled up in a sleeping bag. That, because shelters don't welcome animals. So, who am I to judge. I think what we really need is a foster care program for people who, for whatever reason -- homelessness, mental health issues etc, find themselves temporarily unable to care for their companion.
ReplyDeleteKudos to you Mel, for your courage in raising this issue and being so forthright about your struggles with depression and anxiety. Been there, it's hell at times, but not a life sentence.
I'm glad that you brought this up, actually. I know several people in rescue who would love to create some type of temporary rescue for animals belonging to people who have to enter shelters, or are going through tough times and are unable to take care of their dog for a certain period of time. It sounds like it should be an easy thing to do, but there are all sorts of liability issues involved I think. For example, if while in care the dog bites someone, who is held responsible?
DeleteI would love to see shelters allow dogs, or even liase with boarding facilities. Oak Meadows in Carleton Place does board dogs for women who are entering shelters, but obviously there is an end date and they can only help when they have spots open.
There's also the OVMA's SafePet Program, but finding a vet who is involved in that program is difficult, I've heard. The OVMA says that 48% percentage of women will not leave an abusive relationship and find help for themselves if it means leaving their animal behind. I'll never forget that.
And slightly off topic, but I read a blog many many months ago regarding homeless people and their pets. The blogger was of the opinion that dogs who live on the streets with their people are generally well taken care of -- sometimes better than dogs who live inside. They're challenged on a daily basis because of the constant travel and new routes (unlike dogs who get the same routine walk every day - if they get a walk at all), they're well socialized due to all of the people they meet, and for the most part, obesity isn't an issue.
It was definitely something to consider. While I feel terrible when animals are left out in -30/+30 degree weather, especially with no protection, I think my two dogs would be delighted to spend their days outside, roaming the streets with us.
Wow, this was so touching to read. I myself have struggled with depression for many years. I also have some issues with anxieties but manageable for now.
ReplyDeleteI have always had animals because they are great companions and just simply someone you can talk to even if they don't talk back.
I cannot be completely alone, I have to have a companion. A dog is the best because the depend on you for so many things that it does exactly what you said, it get's you out there for walks when you normally wouldn't go for yourself.
I am certain that having my companions has helped me tremendously from going back into severe depression. Last one was about 12 years ago, I still have "bad days" but I keep myself in good mental health because I surround myself with only the people and furry four legged babies that love me.
Thank you for sharing.
Ah thanks for sharing all this Mel!! Depression and anxiety is VERY painful. No one knows the pain unless they've experienced it. At one point in my life, I had a major depression/anxiety (couldn,t get out of my house, literally) and I remember the pain as being one of the worst pains I've ever felt. Yes, worst than giving birth to my 9-lbs son without meds.
ReplyDeleteMy heart goes out to anyone still suffering from mental illness. It takes a very strong person to endure and work through that pain.
xoxo
I don't think many people consider depression or anxiety a mental illness since it's so 'common'. It's depth and duration that often create the challenge since all you need to do is "suck it up" or "get over it" and then you start hiding and avoiding those closest to you since they may not legitimately understand the paralysis of it all.
ReplyDeleteIs NOT considering a potential adoptee because they suffer from depression discrimination and contributing to the whole mental illness stigma? 'I judge you cant handle this because you are acknowledging your personal struggle?' hmmm. Do we ask an adoptee if they are alcoholic, compulsive gambler, claustrophobic or whatever. I think people, whatever their struggles, may need more of our support, patience and understanding - not alienation. We are each gonna be there - at least once in our lives! Maybe it's a trial adoption and they agree that if it's too much and not the right timing - or they are open to a visit or shared walk once every 2 weeks for 2 months to provide assistance with any doggy issues - there's got to be a guarantee that there is no shame or embarrassment to be brave enough to consider adoption at a later time and just consider volunteering intermittently until their world is in order enough to take on a four legged monkey mess.
Personally, I found it quite refreshing to find a dog that had more mental issues than me! He also forced me outside (pjs under a coat acceptable) and occasionally interact with strangers and have a conversation for a max of only 600 seconds. Anyone can survive 600 seconds! I know it's sooooo tacky and over repeated, but my lil rescue, rescued me! Although I still don't like talking to strangers much...
P.S. Mel. Ya, nobody has THAT much laundry.
Thanks for sharing Mel. I have my own issues with anxiety and OCD. I have never been good at hiding it, which is probably a good thing! Like you I think my dogs help me. I get exercise, acceptance etc from them. I have also found that since I took gluten and dairy out of my diet and regulated my hormones with supplements it has helped with my general feeling of balance. I wish you the best with your own journey through this.
ReplyDelete...a big part of why I got Mijo while I was on disability leave from the job I had at the time...someone else to focus on because a dog depends on you for everything. like a kid I suppose, but I wasn't going to have one of those.
ReplyDeleteI can empathize about your depression. I have suffered from depression all my life with no relief from going to Western MD practitioners who only wanted to have me take the newest depression drug. I was referred to an MD, ND that said to take 6-800mg tablets of Folic Acid along with 600-1,000mg of SAM-e. I tried this combination and within a week I felt as if a tremendous weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I was told the Folic Acid and SAM-e don't have any side effects and the SAM-e also helps with my arthritis. Whenever I think I don't need to take this combination, my depression eventually comes back. When I start taking it again, my depression disappears. Hope this helps.
ReplyDeleteCan you explain SAM-e please? Thnks
DeleteOMGoodness I haven't been receiving your notifications about new posts!! How delightful I get to get caught up. Love this post Mel, I suffer from depression as well. I haven't been blogging lately I'm in a funk. I think after I get back from vacation I'll pick it up again. But, as you said the silly love bugs in our lives do keep us from slipping too far down the rabbit hole....lol
ReplyDeleteYou're very brave, Mel, telling your story to the world! I think most of us have our little (and not so little) struggles from time to time! You are definitely not alone, and it seems there are plenty of us who are being helped by the four legged furry ones that everyone thinks we have helped by adopting them!
ReplyDelete